i have decided that friday nights out, saturday nights out, weekday nights out are all essentially a waste of money unless i'm going to have a good time. i went out last night in a really good mood but nobody else was, coupled with the fact all my friends got thrown out of the local indie disco for trying to get in for free, whereas i had paid to get in and then left anyway because in my old age i no longer can go out and know everyone.

In my wanky self indulgent head i think i can't have fun because i can't relate to people anymore really. not most people anyway. the places i used to go to used to be for want of a better word "alternative" and it wasn't always busy but generally everyone was out for a good time and it wasn't really about who was cool, not nearly so much as it is now. now that indie/rock music is mainstream (which is a good thing obviously for various reasons) aload of trendy wankers seem to be everywhere and i can't relate to songs about having the same jeans on for four days now or wanting to wear those stupid smock dresses that make your butt look big and your tits look tiny. or maybe i'm just old. i know the people and music that i like is out there, but whereas i don't mind trawling ebay for records by a band nobody seems to have heard of is quite appealing, trying to find like minded people is a bit more difficult. this is because i don't really know what my mind is. i think i'm one of those dull people who has gone past the phase of wanting to be drunk out of my head, and now i want to have a nice bottle of wine (not the cheapest one in the shop!) and have arguments about whether vinyl or cds are better.

so what to do instead. well, in fairness. i can't afford to go out really, i'd rather save up for some form of europe road trip that is happening this summer. plus i think getting out of this crazy town for a while is what i need. last week i made the stupid remark that it was now too late to do all the things i wanted to do and get all the things i wanted to get

Things i want to do and have:

My Own House - that i can decorate and keep nice + clean.

A dalmatian - or to be more precise a fleet of dogs led by a dalmatian.

learn how to drive/get a VW campervan and paint it brown and yellow.

Travel to places such as "anywhere but here"

get my degree (this is getting harder everyday)

be able to buy clothes which are not second hand (not that i mind that all my clothes are second hand, i just wish i had the option sometimes)

i can do all this. i just need to get off my arse, stop wasting money on getting drunk and having a shit time, get a job and make some bloody money!i'm hoping that by starting to get myself in gear, i will eventually find my way to gaining everything i want. i'm pretty sure the answer to all my woes is not in this seaside town, and definatly not in the endless cans of cider i've been drinking.

wish me luck

oh also-my camera has died an incident with a cup of tea....however i needed a better one anyway so im saving up and iv got ltos of ideas then i will be uploading on a regular basis